How to Date When You Are Newly Sober

This post was contributed by a community member. The views expressed here are the author’s own. As if there aren’t even speed bumps encountered in the dating world, learning that the person you are seeing is in recovery from drug or alcohol addiction adds new unique challenges. Should I not order a glass of wine with my dinner? Should we avoid places or events where alcohol is flowing, such as weddings? Concerns such as these are well-founded, considering the difficulties and hard work your sober date has endured along the road to recovery. When dating someone who is in recovery, consider these six tips:. The views expressed in this post are the author’s own. Want to post on Patch? Register for a user account.

9 ways to support a partner who is working on their sobriety

Why are relationships so challenging for recovering addicts? The main reason is that an intimate relationship has the potential to be all-consuming. This can be particularly dangerous for someone who is in an extremely vulnerable state after making such an intensive life change as choosing sobriety.

Recovering addicts can be humble and giving partners, but it’s important you know what you’re getting. Ask these questions before dating a.

Recovering from any addiction can be extremely emotionally challenging. Before sobriety, most of us were solely focused on getting our drug of choice in order to cover up our emotions. Early sobriety should be spent on personal development and obtaining the healthy coping skills needed to navigate our lives productively. Many of us in recovery have heard people recommend that an individual should remain in platonic relationships within the first year of sobriety.

When I was newly sober, someone gave me this advice and I thought it was harsh and unnecessary; until it was explained to me. After giving up an addiction, it is extremely easy to fall into a new one. Commonly, when a newly sober addict gets into a relationship before making the necessary psychic change needed in order to fully recover, they become addicted to the other person.

Love, sex, attention, or validation are all highly addictive feelings; especially when you are emotionally vulnerable and seeking comfort. When we become so heavily reliant on another person, this is called codependency. This can become extremely toxic for both parties, especially early in recovery. Both people are ignoring their own problems in the same manner that they did before getting sober, which leads them closer to a relapse. When seeking validation through another person, you are really damaging yourself farther and making it that much harder for yourself in the long run.

Eventually, the relationship will fail due to your unresolved character defects beginning to appear and you will be left alone again with the same intense feelings that you could have been learning to manage.

5 Questions to Ask Before You Start Dating a Recovering Addict

For addicts who are considering the idea of getting sober , fear of dating without the crutch of alcohol can be a major impediment. Newly sober recovering addicts often express anxieties concerning sex and dating. Whether you are single and getting sober, or recovery is a part of your relationship, here are some tips for healthy dating in sobriety. Many addicts have very limited, if any, experience with sober sex. It is also common for alcoholics and addicts to have a history of codependent or abusive relationships.

Because drugs and alcohol can fuel violent and antisocial behavior, relationships are often extremely unstable.

Now that you are in treatment and entering a newly sober world, you might not know what to do if your partner casually tempts you to get a drink.

In early sobriety, the now sober individual must relearn, or possibly learn for the first time, appropriate skills for healthy relationships with others. In a now famous Ted Talk , British journalist and author of Chasing The Scream Johann Hari shared his conclusion from significant research, that the opposite of addiction is not sobriety but connection. So, as with anyone, relationships and connectedness are crucial components to a full life to those recovering from an addiction like alcoholism.

But what are the unique aspects of dating a sober alcoholic? For a person who determines they are an alcoholic and must remain abstinent from alcohol going forward, establishing relationships with others can be difficult initially. For those with severe alcohol problems, the connection between the individual and alcohol can be considered a relationship.

A destructive, toxic, and abusive relationship, but a relationship nonetheless.

Addiction Recovery Articles

Depending on your background and how much you understand about the disease of addiction, reactions will vary. How can the person you know now be the same person who abused drugs or alcohol? For others, it may be a little easier to accept, especially in cases where one has dealt either first or second hand with a substance use disorder. Recovery is a long process.

Adapted from a recent online discussion. DEAR CAROLYN: I am dating a very newly recovering alcoholic; he’s been sober five months.

Dating at this time may not be in either of your best interests, despite your desire to be together and weather all challenges. That said, countless relationships have also flourished when one partner is in recovery. This begs the question: Should you date someone in recovery? Read on for answers. If you are interested in getting involved with someone, yet you have just found out that this person is in recovery, you likely will be wondering if this fact is something to be concerned about.

In fact, most recovery programs urge newly sober individuals not to date for the first year of their recovery. This is due to the potential complications that a romantic relationship could introduce at a time when the recovering alcoholic or addict is most vulnerable to relapse. While you might have some vague idea about what a recovering individual does, you may also have some misconceptions.

Dating an Addict in Recovery: How to Make Your Relationship Stronger

Your first year in recovery is arguably the most important of them all. If you do meet someone in your first year, then if this person is truly relationship-worthy, they should understand that you need to take things slowly. Try being open and honest about your recovery from the get-go.

No matter how nonjudgmental of a person you may be, finding out that the person you’re dating is in recovery can be a tough truth to navigate.

If you are single, you might think that getting sober will solve some of the romantic problems that you had when you were actively abusing alcohol and drugs. No more chemically-induced rages or crying fits triggered by being drunk. No more staggering or falling on your face. Early sobriety is full of unexpected feelings, and you might be overwhelmed by the depth and intensity of those feelings.

Dating is full of hopes and expectations. As an addict, you are in the habit of looking for something—or someone—outside yourself to make you feel better. The greatest gift you can give yourself in early sobriety is time. Take your time when it comes to dating.

Addiction and Recovery Blog

It may have been your go-to invitation to tell your date that the two of you should grab a drink together. Now that you are in treatment and entering a newly sober world, you might not know what to do if your partner casually tempts you to get a drink. By keeping firm about how important your sobriety is and thinking of sober activities that you both can enjoy, you will have an amazing first sober date. While you may have chosen to lead a sober lifestyle, it does not mean that you will not feel tempted to drink again if you are hanging around places that serve drinks.

This can mean avoiding places like bars or any other venues that serve drinks. Do your research in advance before the date and see if there are any places in your area that are alcohol-free.

This happens because recovery from addiction is necessarily a selfish thing. At first, the newly sober person is flooded with new feelings and sensations, and has a.

A new relationship can be exciting and the prospect of entering a new romance is especially enticing this time of year. We all know the suggestion of staying sober for at least a year after finding sobriety, but why is it so important to stay sober and single for at least a year? The rule everyone learns while undergoing Boca drug treatment is to wait at least a year before dating after rehab. This is because dating in early recovery can derail your recovery.

The first year of recovery is always a challenging one and dating too soon can result in replacing one addiction, such as drugs or alcohol, for another — love1. Additionally, dating in early recovery can throw off your focus. Your first year of recovery is one that should be filled with self-growth and self-love, but if you are wrapping up all your attention in a relationship, you will deny yourself the growth you need to truly heal and solidify your sobriety.

Our Boca drug treatment team shares sober dating tips:. When you do begin dating in recovery, be sure to stay in contact with your sponsor and sober support systems.

Dating a Recovering Alcoholic

We have known each other for almost two years and share many friends, most of whom knew him when he was still married and witnessed the toll his addiction took on his past relationship. He and I met post-divorce, but I am acquainted with his ex through mutual friends. We have taken our relationship very slow over the past five months.

Dating culture and bar culture can feel practically synonymous, but they don’t have to be.

We exchanged numbers and agreed to meet up, but I figured she was just being friendly. Wedged into the booth side of a comically undersized table, I listened as Kate spoke and our conversation flowed easily. Still, when the coffee shop closed Kate suggested we get a drink. First Kate looked confused, then disappointed. Partially at the advice of medical professionals. Partially because sometimes when I drink too much I engage in self-destructive behavior—you know, fighting traffic cones like Don Quixote fought windmills or texting my ex.

Explaining this can be difficult, particularly in a romantic context. Briefly Kate and I considered alternate locations to a bar, but when I awkwardly suggested a second coffee shop she remembered a work thing that needed urgent attending to.

Friends weary of her dating recovering alcoholic

Most recovery experts agree that newly sober men and women should wait a year before dating. Many of us are both rebellious and looking to change the way we feel, so the urge to break the dating rule can be powerful. The wait to date suggestion is strongly recommended because experts agree that we should spend a full year focused solely on our recovery.

A lot can change due to drug and alcohol addiction, and successful rehabilitation entails rebuilding a person’s life. When it comes to relationships, the realities.

Focus on getting to know each other as people before rushing into a physically intimate relationship. It takes time for the brain and body to adjust to living a sober life. You can be a source of love, encouragement, and support, but the decision to remain in recovery belongs to your partner alone. If your attraction is based on a desire to rescue someone in need, you may be suffering from codependency. This condition is characterized by an excessive emotional, physical, and psychological reliance on another person to boost your own self-esteem.

Codependent relationships are not healthy for either partner. People in recovery often have a number of challenging issues in their past. To be a supportive partner, you need to have a solid understanding of substance abuse and recovery. Visit sites such as DrugAbuse. You can also find a wealth of information resources at your local public library. Additionally, attending a support group for the friends and family of those in recovery may be beneficial.

Here’s What To Expect While Dating A Recovering Addict (Hint: They Still Love You.)

Come back next week for more! I consulted Dr. Morgan Cutlip , Ph.

Newly sober recovering addicts often express anxieties concerning dating. Finding love in sobriety is possible and not as difficult as one may.

Are you falling for a recovering addict? Are you curious to know more? Keep reading to learn the truth about addiction and what questions to ask before you start dating a recovering addict. Most of the time, the will to get better is not enough for a person to enter into a state of recovery. Addiction is lonely. Addicts may lose the support of family and friends. They may even lose faith in themselves.

Sober Dating Advice